The little mermaid Ariel was enchanted by the handsome prince. She traded her voice to a sea witch in exchange for legs and a chance to meet him. As Ariel and the prince danced under the starlight her heart -and some other parts -swelled with longing.

But try as she might, she could got get the prince to kiss her, and break the witches spell. “I cannot”, said the prince, his eyes full of kindness. “Since you cannot communicate, I cannot establish consent. You are beautiful, but I must respect and empower you as an individual.” He said, and walked away.

Ariel was left fuming and disappointed, and wishing she had spent time learning to write rather than investing in musical crabs.

Hansel and Gretel came into a clearing and saw a house made out of candy. Hansel thought out loud “this is suspicious, how does the candy house maintain structural integrity and not fall over?”

Gretel responded by saying “and why do animals not eat it?”

And they left to go somewhere more sensible.

After the beautiful princess fled from the castle, the prince found a single glass slipper on the staircase. Being a charming and thoughtful gentleman, he sorted it into the recycling and went back to the ball. Because you do not chase a woman who is running away from you.